Recent Musings:
Family ties
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Today I am aware of my need to fit in, with my family, of course. I'm not sure why I have this need, but it seems odd to me. I've spent so much of my life and my time and my efforts trying to be different than my family, trying to set myself apart from them, and yet when I'm with them, I'm sad I'm not one of them.
Maybe it's their flaws I want to be different from. They have good qualities and they can be funny and quite loving and open, and yet it's the bad parts I fear. Naive, I suppose. I feel like I've missed out on them because I tried to eliminate the bad but missed out on the good along with it.
Family, like relationships and even friendships, is mostly a package deal. You take all of it, the good along with the bad. Perhaps it's my flaw for only wanting the good, my naivity.
Alas, I didn't fit in. In fact, I left early, realizing that I was starting to hate them for their good parts because I had been so focused on their bad and missed out on all.