Recent Musings:
The crumbled facade.
Monday, December 12, 2005
I attended a church service yesterday during which I was floored by how strongly I felt that I was in a big game of pretend, like I was merely part of an audience in which the pastor was performing to try to convince me of his character's role. Everyone and everything seemed very insincere and unreal and inauthentic. I had never noticed it before, until yesterday.
I attended a dinner after the church service in which I was baffled by how little the group interacted or conversed or made any attempt to get to know each other, even though everyone was talking the whole time. I don't remember discussing anything I was interested in or that remotely involved me. I felt horribly empty when I left.
This is where I grew up, within both environments. I struggled while I was there and have taken steps to remove myself for self-preservation. I wasn't aware of how much closer to my life passions I had progressed until I realized the extreme from which I had come.
I felt both grateful and relieved when I got home.