Recent Musings:
The waiting game.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
I'm doing better at following through on the things I want in life. I'm doing better at accepting the small hurdles and inconvenient problems of reaching my goals without getting too pouty and frustrated. However, now I'm at an impasse, because suddenly my goals are out of my control. What do you do when have no say in your goals anymore? How does one cope with the lack of control in their life?
For instance, I'm waiting on one reference. One. I did my part to try to keep it within my timeframe, giving her my expectations and my plan, but now I still wait. It has been three weeks of waiting, with my personal deadline being two weeks past. What do I do with this?
This sounds monotonous and perhaps whiny, but hold on - I'm serious. What do you do when all the cards are out of your hand? How do I just wait? Aren't I letting another control my future right now? Where's my personal responsiblity in this? Or have I done all I can?
I guess that's the answer, right there - I have done all I can. I cannot move forward without this reference. All the other requirements of the application process are met and that was my responsibility. I have done my part. I even got the reference form to the reference nearly immediately after she accepted. Now, I guess, I'm forced to accept the humanity of the other and say, okay, this needs to be a team effort and you're part of the team; I cannot do this without you, so I must accept you where you're at.
It's icky, really, especially when the other doesn't know or isn't feeling the pressures and stress you're feeling from their actions or the lack thereof. It's icky to think that I, in a lot of ways, have to release my future into the hands of others whom I may not trust or even know that well.
It's icky because I really have done all I can, I've controlled and been responsible for everything I can in this process so far and now I am forced to wait. Bleh.
Perhaps the trick is to be in control of the waiting, to see the waiting as not a stagnant and dormant period but a time in which other opportunities can be taken.
Perhaps, but I'm not so convinced.