Recent Musings:
Arg!
Friday, January 27, 2006
Sigh. I don't know that I will ever fit in with my family or be able to reassociate with their beliefs. In fact, I will have my soul prayed for and receive intervention for my left-wing (=unChristian) mentalities. And I never feel more un-Christian than when I have super-Christian sisters quoting scripture to me and pointing out to me how openly I'm disregarding the Bible.
And I failed. I folded. All these great teachings and enlightenments I've experienced in the last two years crumbled. I sounded adolescent and pouty and like I had never learned anything through my own personal realizations and studies.
And I don't know who's right. I just don't know. Maybe I'm so far left I've stepped past the line of Christianity.
Or maybe I'm so close to the radical teachings of Christ that I'm starting to be hated by the traditionalists.
I'm not sure.
What I do know is that I sounded really pathetic on the phone. And I have to keep going! I've made it a point to personally tell my siblings (all 7 of them!) about my grad school decision and I fear that each phonecall is going to turn into a 30 minute disagreement on how I've embraced the world. And to me the disagreements always feel like a value judgment on who I am and the decisions I've made instead of them just being a difference of interpretation.
Bleh.