Recent Musings:

Ambivalence.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

I read an article the other day in which it stated that most people have difficulty dealing with their ambivalence toward other people - a spouse, a church leader, a government authority.

I looked up the definition of ambivalence because I thought it meant indifference or apathy - I was wrong. There are two definitions of ambivalence, but the one I like, understand and relate to most is:

*conflict of ideas or attitudes: the presence of two opposing ideas, attitudes, or emotions at the same time*

Well, I agree with the article then. I, and other people, do have a hard time feeling two opposite emotions at the same time, whether it's self-directed or other-directed. For instance, it's hard to admit and accept the fact that I can love a person who has the capacity to hurt me. It's hard for a sibling to admit that their little sister is nothing like he/she wanted or expected her to be. It's hard to accept that God is a loving God and also a jealous and just God. It's hard to move forward when one realizes their spiritual leader has an addiction to sex or alcohol.

I bring this up because I believe people try to live their lives as far from ambivalence as possible. People try to stay very tight to one mentality and one emotion (example, justice vs. mercy) and as far from the conflicting emotion as possible. It's probably easier to see the world that way; it's probably easier not to feel wrong that way; it's probably easiest to make decisions that way.

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say here. I just know that in the context of the conversations I've had, most people will not discuss, acknowledge or try to understand the opposing side. That side doesn't count - it's not valid. To me, that's not being able to deal with ambivalence. To me, that's not being able to recognize that something other than that person's objective exists.