Recent Musings:
Safety zone.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I have nothing to say. Not sure why; I think it has something to do with the meds I'm on. I feel sedated or in pain, one or the other, most of the day. (I actually don't mind feeling this way. I prefer it to the emotional roller-coaster I ride most of the time.) But I do miss my thoughts; I do miss my life-curiousity.
Yesterday I went to a bridal shower I was dreading and ended up having a lovely time. Besides the fact that I won a potted tulip, I was surrounded by self-assured, self-confident and considerate women, many of whom were my boyfriend's exes (hence the dread). Yet I was so impressed by their determined personalities and the general feeling of individuality that I just didn't want to be intimidated by them anymore - instead, I started admiring them. Each woman seemed so... her, so sure of her opinion, so able to agree or disagree freely, so willing to support each other in discussion, that I was soon shrouded in a sense of safety and acceptance, with a little bit of glee thrown in.
It was refreshing and reminded me of my very first time I was introduced to a similar group of people. I remember thinking that I instantly felt included - there were no theological theories I needed to have prepared and no lies I needed to make up to feel accepted by the group. Whatever I was was okay with them. In fact, I remember thinking that if I could just hang out with this group, then I wouldn't need to move away in order to be myself.
Anyway, I was tickled by the unexpected results of the day. Who knew.