Recent Musings:

Spiritual reliance.

Saturday, July 8, 2006

I've realized that perhaps I was becoming a bit spiritually reliant on my pastor. I didn't discover it until she had moved on to a different congregation and a different pastor stepped in. I realized that I had stopped pushing myself toward my own spirituality and expected to get my weekly spiritual dose while at church.

Now, this is not necessarily bad. I began attending this church because of the spirituality of the pastor. It made sense to me that the leader of the church could support the spiritual needs of myself and others. However, what's bad is that I no longer pushed myself toward that goal; I let someone else do it for me.

I'm pretty sure this is a common problem in religious circles. I mean, that's what the pastor's there for, right? That's the job of the pastor, to be the spiritual leader. I even grew up in social circles in which the father was the spiritual leader of the family; he was the one expected to be spiritual and keep his wife and children on the straight and narrow. Therefore, the wife and the children turned to dad to get the spiritual answers in life and to keep them in check, while the dad, perhaps, turned to the pastor in order to have something to say to his wife and kids.

But as I see it, I don't agree. I don't think it's wise or fulfilling or personally responsible to allow others to lead or define your spirituality. Whether it's a husband, a boyfriend or a pastor, I think Christ wants each person to be responsible for what it is he or she believes. (Sometimes I think I'm even dating a non-Christian so he can't be responsible for my beliefs!) I don't have Bible verses to support personal spiritual responsibility, but it seems to be a logical understanding. Unless, of course, we are saved by proxy...

Anyway, for myself, I was disappointed and discouraged, both in myself and the stand-in pastor. I think both of us are individually responsible for being spiritual and both of us are slacking off. My realization requires more effort on my part - I need to take the time again to sit and read my Bible, to ponder the things I'm learning, to pray and to listen to what understandings I think God is leading me toward. It was easier to rely on the pastor, but I'm glad I'm being pushed back to a personal spiritual awareness.