Recent Musings:
A moment of comfort.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
I think when I'm really comfortable with myself, confident with who I am and am in the moment, I talk to myself. I do! I make conversation with myself, I comment on things I think are funny and I laugh at myself, most definitely. It's a good feeling.
I had a great aunt who lived on my block while I was growing up and she lived alone. I have many fond memories of her and I do remember asking her why she talked to herself. She would say, "There's no one else to talk to, dear."
While sometimes this is true in my case, I think the difference for me is that I feel most complete when I talk aloud to myself. It's almost like I'm conferring with myself about the situation... hee hee... perhaps it's schizophrenia!
In all seriousness, I appreciate the moments when I begin talking to myself, because for me it's a brief moment of reality where I enjoy and rely on myself for company. It's a slight shimmer of the hope that I am complete in myself and don't need another person present in order to enjoy the moment, to laugh or to comment on what's happening in the world. It reminds me that it's okay for me to be alone because I enjoy the alone times just as well as the together times. And it affectionately reminds me of my great aunt, of whom I'm convinced a little more each day, influenced my personhood much more than one would have thought.