Recent Musings:

Home sweet home?

Thursday, August 24, 2006

I'm alive and have arrived safely in Pittsburgh. I'm not settled yet, but am able to eat, sleep and shower. It's amazing how those three simple things can make one feel at home.

I'll admit, I'm having a hard time settling. It's like I haven't gotten the feel of things yet. I can't locate the light switches without looking for them; I don't leave the house without a map or a plotted route; I sit on my couch while looking at mounds of untouched boxes.

Of course I've only been here four days, yet the unsettledness leaves me feeling unproductive and irresponsible. Why do I expect myself to sit and write meaningful thoughts when I haven't yet found my toaster?

I don't mean this to sound like a bitch session - it's not. It's just that I expected more results of myself than I've proven thus far. I expected myself to be cozily reading my book while sipping tea right now. I expected myself to be exploring the city and sampling new culture. However, for now, I'm still hiding in the unsettled apartment, full of boxes, calling my fiancee' every half hour.

Am I unrealistic?!

Alas, more will come. More thoughts, more relaxation, more adventure, more home-cooked meals. For now it's okay to be imbalanced and topsy-turvy. I've just left every familiar landmark, restaurant, neighborhood and person behind for something new, unknown and unfamiliar. Perhaps no one but me expects me to be thriving right now.

And, to have it be said, I am glad I'm here. Orientation today was exciting and exhilerating, nerve-wracking and intimidating and felt completely surreal. Who knew this would really happen and would really be fulfilled in my life? Perhaps I just need some rest and some time in order to have the capacity to adjust, no?

We'll see.