Recent Musings:
Ch-ch-changes!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
It's an absolutely gorgeous fall day here; I'm in love with days like this and want to lay in the sun like a sleepy, old dog.
I find in my social work learning that I'm being expanded from the inside out and it scares me a little bit. There are so many new and different things to learn and take in and try to understand that somehow I don't always feel they'll fit within the constructs of what I know as a person. Hence, I'm expanding - I'm swelling with ideas and thoughts and feelings I've never had to explore before.
Some new realities scare me, the realities that I don't understand or wouldn't know how to fit into my worldview, basically the things I've never experienced or thought about before. Other realities that I was aware of previous to now are easier to expand upon because they build up the foundations I had already established. Those kind of new understandings usually touch me profoundly.
I guess right now I'm feeling apprehension of how much I am able to digest and process in a semester, a week or even an hour and still maintain my identity. I feel that I may be jeopardizing some of myself by trying to understand too many truths and realities that exist. While I don't fear the newness, I do fear the changes inside of me that the newness is bringing along with it. I fear that I, Rhonda Sue, will be diluted somehow.
Perhaps I should look at it as an enhancement instead of a diluted state. I'm adding to myself and my knowledge and perhaps that will make my strengths stronger and my fears more realisitic, or unfounded. I guess I just don't know and that's what makes me nervous.