Recent Musings:
Time keeps on slippin'.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
I landed in a bit of a time warp yesterday, a vacuum devoid of motion or purpose. It was pretty icky.
I'm on spring break and suddenly when I'm without schedules or immediate deadlines, I realize I no longer internally carry the capacity for freedom and aimlessness. I become paralyzed at the reality that this is just one day in the last 100 and one day in the future of 140 days that isn't scheduled; I panic and deteriorate at the exhaustion of my life and the lack of living I'm experiencing.
Perhaps others of you feel this way. Perhaps I'm just whining because I'm busy. Perhaps my brain needed that one day of shock and paralysis to admit that I've been way too overextended. Perhaps this is what life is like when you're an adult.
Regardless, I sat literally for several hours, collectively, looking out the window listening to Bob Marley, thinking about what I needed to accomplish over the next week, wishing I had the ingredients to make lemon rice soup. Thoughts of temporary escape - such as shopping and bumming the mall - seemed like way too much effort and energy. Drinking seemed pointless, as did eating. I mean really, what can satisfy someone who feels they've lost life?