Recent Musings:
The new last name.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
I made a conscious decision to change my last name to my husband's. I spent time writing and thinking about this decision, trying to decide what I thought would best represent what I believed. I considered the many variations I could play with for a married last name; ultimately I decided that I wanted to take his name because I wanted to be associated with him and his identity. I was very at peace with this decision.
Upon arriving back to our new home and having moved to this city as a single woman, I slowly started changing identification over yet always introduced myself with both last names. Even as classes began, I was parenthesizing the maiden name and adding the married; I kept telling people, "I'm afraid people won't know who I am if I introduce myself with my husband's last name."
About a month or so ago I made the official change with the University. I had heard horror stories that I would end up donning two identities with two separate names, so I was adamant with staff that all that was to be changed was the last name and the address - no email, no identication numbers, no phone numbers. It was successful. My maiden name was completely erased; officially, I was now to associate with his last name.
I left the building and almost needed a moment of silence. It felt scary and unknown and like a loss that the 32 previous years of identification were no more. I do think I paused on the sidewalk and tried to take it in..
.. however, the shift still haunts me. Weeks later I moved onto the social security card. The new one came and I couldn't bear to part with my old one; I saved it for posterity. I listened to a speaker in one of my classes and she announced herself with a middle initial; "It's her maiden name," I thought. "She kept part of her previous identity. I should've done that!"
And yet, when I recently attended two events in which my maiden name was on my nametag, I was a little perturbed. Didn't I tell them to change my name? Don't they know I'm married? Why aren't they catching on?
Honestly, I had no idea changing a last name could be such a shock to the system. I don't recall having ever heard anything from friends, family or other women about this experience. I'm not struggling with this, per se, and I am still at peace and confident in my decision, but I am certainly affected by its impact. Surprising.