Recent Musings:
The push of school.
Monday, October 8, 2007
I feel like I may lose it sometime today. I'm feel like I'm in over my head, like I'm going to study and work on school stuff all day today and still be drowning in things I need to get done. I'm stressin'.
My comfort over the weekend was telling myself I would just prioritize today and worry about the most important things. (We had visitors all weekend). But now, sitting down with my list, most of my tasks are important and need to get done, some by tomorrow. I don't know if I'm going to make it by the deadlines with my sanity.
I'm here, venting, just to validate myself, just to let myself release this toxicity of uncertainty and stress and pressure and failure. I know it's not helping me accomplish my tasks, but it's at least allowing myself to feel overwhelmed for the moment.
I'm not in control.
Maybe what I'll have to do, just for this week and right now, is to step outside my comfort zone of sleep and conversations with Matt and a couple prime-time shows to a more disciplined, hermit-like, deprivation approach to school. Maybe I'll need to tighten the belt, so to speak, and push through the chores without so much self-care or self-pampering. Sigh - I'm not looking forward to that!
Does this sound whiny? Perhaps it is. I'm feeling pretty worn out right now.