Recent Musings:
The slippery sands of time.
Monday, February 18, 2008
It's unbelievable to me how quickly time is moving. February is more than half done; it seems it just started. Sometimes it seems time moves more quickly than we are able to keep up with; what I mean is that sometimes, for me, it seems I'm already into the next chapter of my life and haven't yet had the chance to come to terms with it. I wonder if this is a universal struggle.
Part of what I'm referencing here is my pending graduation. Discussions with friends and my husband are turning towards possibilities for employment and what niche I'd like to serve, the excitement of having a professional income and the realities of becoming a contribution to society and to our pending mountain of debt. This is exciting, something I'm looking forward to and yet imagining myself as a professional is something not quite graspable. I'm still learning!; I'm still "playing therapist!" Will someone pay me to do this? Do they know that in many way I still have no idea what I'm doing? Sometimes I see signs for employment in windows of restaurants, small boutiques and I think - ooh, I could work there after I graduate!, never connecting the dots in my mind that I'm currently building a career for myself.
Perhaps this has to do with what I was discussing recently in supervision. Finally I am hands-on practicing the material that has been book knowledge to me for the last two years; when I read the texts initially I thought they were brilliant, inspiring and easily applicable and now that I'm in the labor of it I'm lost. It's as if the transference from knowledge to skill is in another language, one in which I only know random nouns.
Regardless, I think the spirit of this post is that time, to be cliche', is slipping through my fingers. I can't hold it, stop it or even define it's shape many of the times; I have to let the sands keep running as I attempt to find meaning in its shapelessness.