Recent Musings:

Employed...almost.

Monday, September 8, 2008

A week from today I will be at my new job. One week and a new chapter of my life begins...again. So many transitions for me in the last few years! I said to one friend that I'm waiting for my life to become "normal" and hope having the routine of a job will make it so; she commented that her's hasn't been yet. Seems likely; perhaps I'm waiting for something that can never happen.

I sense that I have a lack of things to say, yet my soul and life have been impacted as of late. In actuality, I have a lot of thoughts regarding growth and insight and yet I pause to write them here - I haven't yet enacted the truths that have been revealed and therefore don't want my words to sound empty and unfounded. I fear sometimes that the more truths I learn, the harder it is to go through the day to day; the irony is that unless one is truthful with oneself, and others, the knowing and experiencing of self and others is limited and disconnected. What a paradox to stumble upon.

While I'm thrilled to have a job, to be earning income, to be using and honing the skills my degree has given me, I do not look forward to the toils of labor. I do believe labor and productivity to be very important to one's well-being, growth and purpose and yet I've enjoyed aspects of the days of my labor-free life (not the restlessness and boredom, as you've previously read). Work is work, plain and simple. I've reread Ecclesiastes in which the author proclaims, after much searching, that there is nothing better than to enjoy one's work (see Ecclesiastes 2:18-26). I agree and have used that when choosing work for myself to do. Yet the reality is that there is work to be done that I do not enjoy; there are consequences of work (fatigue, stress, conflict) that are not enjoyable. I'm anxious to begin working and yet I'm admitting that I'm not prepared for all aspects of the work.

I'll leave things at that. Perhaps if I'm feeling more vulnerable in the future I will be willing to share more of my thoughts; for now, know that I'm pursuing them.