Recent Musings:
Happy 2009!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Wow, 2009. I've been trying to recall how I spent the night when it turned 2000 and I don't remember; I'm sure I attempted to do something memorable because it was such a big year and yet 9 years later, no recollection!
This week, this time of a step into a new beginning, I've been so raw and so exhausted. I think I spent most of New Year's Day crying, weeping actually, and yet I wasn't in any crisis at all. I was just so open; I felt everything. (If I had italics I'd italicize open and everything; please add emphasis!).
I sat with my calendar this morning and perused my last 6 weeks of the year - a marathon of happenings with every waking minute being stocked full of accomplishment, meetings, chores, socializing and general holiday busyness. My mantra throughout this week was "I just can't. I just - I can't." The therapist-in-my-pocket popped up and asked me - "what is it you can't do?" I shoved that therapist right back down and repeated "I can't. I'm just - I'm too tired."
Today I've reclaimed my day; I cancelled my only appointment so I could stay in my new flannel pajamas and relax ALL day on my terms, not just in between events or chores. I explained to a colleague yesterday that I feel like I need to hold myself for days, containing myself and my emotions for a while to get that nurturing and healing and rejuvination I'm so without right now.
But, on a nostalgic note, what a year 2008 was! When I reflected and prayed the morning of New Year's Day I was overwhelmed at what an amazing and incredible year it was; I was so grateful for that year, for those experiences, for having actually made it through the year. I can't wait to see what 2009 has to offer.